Peter Pan Syndrome

I know... I know.... I have been neglecting my blogging duties, but even a highly organized, awesome teacher gets lazy sometimes! Besides, you didn't think I would let December end without a single blog post?

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One of the signs in my classroom says, "You never have to grow up, just be responsible for your actions." I have always subscribed to the idea that, although we grow up and start careers, we should never take life too seriously. You don't have to give up the things you like just because there are more candles on your birthday cake than in the past.

I have occasionally been accused by students of being a little boy trapped in a man's body, and I am OK with that! This comment mostly comes from the fact that I like video games, talk to kids about movies and music, and willingly do things that don't make me look that cool. (Maybe the toy lightsaber that I use for a map pointer doesn't help either!)

As a teacher, I believe it is important to stay in touch with the the little boy inside of me that sometimes gets beat down by adult worries. This serves a few purposes. First, it has been my experience that most people don't like hanging out with someone that worries, complains, or takes things too seriously. Life is supposed to be enjoyed, so who really wants to waste it on someone like that? Secondly, many of our younger generation are continually being told how they need to grow up and that the things they like are dumb. Why not teach the better lesson of knowing the difference between work time and play time? What is more important is that they know how to get a job done; and besides that, are their "favorites" dumb or just different than our own?

In the end, being true to myself, not giving up the things I like, and being quick to smile helps me to stay in good relationship with my students. I may not be young in age, but who says I can't stay young at heart?

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Sooo... with this big holiday coming up, try and do something for me. If you are still young, enjoy it! Remember the good times and keep them with you as you get older and situations don't always seem that great. If you are older, ask yourself if your problems are really worth giving up joy in your life. You may not work in a classroom, but I am sure others in your life would like to see less worrying and more smiling! :)

-Mr. F

My Favorite Teacher Movie

Now I know I probably should, but I have never been a big fan of teacher movies.

To Sir, With Love

Stand and Deliver

Dangerous Minds

Coach Carter

Freedom Writers

Don't get me wrong. They all have a good overall message, and they may even bring a tear to your eye from time to time, but they never felt true to reality.

These movies always seem to focus on that one class or student instead of the many groups of students that real teachers see each day. These fictional teachers always overcome whatever stands in their way by the end movie whether that be a stubborn student, colleague, parent, administrator, or any combination of the four. A real-life teacher usually only starts or continues the process of changing the people around them. Unlike the gardener, we may help in the planting, watering, fertilizing, and weeding, but rarely are the students still in our class when the harvest comes.

I could go on for awhile about my problems with teacher movies, but I would prefer to talk about the one teacher movie that I absolutely love.... hands down!

Chalk is a fake documentary following three relatively new teachers and a first year assistant principal. I can identify with the sentiments expressed by these 4 characters as I have experienced, to some extent, the same things. I remember hoping the kids wouldn't figure out that I was a newbie the first few years or getting frustrated when I couldn't get my point across to the administration.

In the end, I really liked some of the lessons learned by the four characters throughout the year...

-developing a relationship and better understanding of students through the "spelling hornet"

-realizing that the students are the most important thing from a failed Teacher of the Year campaign

-administrators have their own unique problems to deal with and are real people too. :)

...Ultimately, as the tag line in the poster says, "Real Teaching Leaves A Mark." Teaching can be a hard job some days and as exciting as an amusement park on others. I know my heart will never be the same because of each and every student I have had in class.

-Mr. F

PS - I am not a total "grinch" when it comes to teacher movies. I do have a soft spot for Mr. Holland's Opus, Dead Poets Society, and an Indian film, Like Stars on Earth.

Mutually Assured Destruction

The Cold War was a weird time for our country. The enemy that we feared was the Soviet Union, yet we never had any direct military conflict with them. Imagine the two nations like the biggest kids in the neighborhood staring at each other, eye to eye, waiting for the other to make the first move.

Many historians have theories as to why the USA and the Soviet Union never fought each other, but one idea is called mutually assured destruction. This school of thought states that the Soviet Union never used their nuclear weapons to blast the USA because they were afraid that we would fire back and that the USA did not fire for the same reasons. These historians basically agree that if the USA and the Soviet Union had ever used their nuclear weapons then neither country would have won, but they would have only destroyed each other. Hence the name.... mutually assured destruction.

But how does this apply to a middle school? Unfortunately, I have seen many people firing away in the school setting without regard to what destruction may lay ahead! Let me explain...

As a teacher, we often have the ability to take care of issues in a more diplomatic way and have to resist the urge to pull out the "big guns" of getting into a student's face and yelling. Yes, we have to enforce rules, but do we have to get so emotional about the situation? Don't we know that the students are only going to defend themselves by getting louder and yelling back? I wonder what we think we will accomplish by using this destructive form of discipline with students who could most use some calm in their lives.

Why not rise above it and show them a better way? If you think about it, the main reasons students yell at teachers are because they have been hurt and want to repay the favor to someone else or, by upsetting the teacher, they distract attention away from the original behavior. It has been my experience that the most good has come from those times that I have checked my emotions at the door and focused on the actions that I want to see improved. I don't react to the volume of the student's voice or any whiny, hurtful thing they may say. Instead, I try to keep their attention on the fact that their behavior was poor at this time, and that in the future I would like them to try making a better decision.

In the end, you have to ask yourself, what kind of healthy, working relationship has ever been born of dislike or hostility? Whenever teachers mash the button to unleash their emotions, they only create a landscape of destruction not suitable for growth. We must work hard to avoid letting our classrooms and hallways meltdown into this cycle of mutually assured destruction before more crucial items are lost, most importantly our credibility in the eyes of others and the relationships we have with our students.

-Mr. F

All You Need Is... Time?

-Boys and girls chasing each other up and down the hallway because they have not yet learned the subtle art of flirting.

-Students yelling to each other from across the room because they lack a proper definition of a private conversation.

-Girls constantly checking themselves in the mirror to make sure their hair and makeup is perfect for the boy that treats them badly and probably doesn't deserve their attention in the first place.

-Boys laughing as they release the newest development in biochemical warfare from their backsides.

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All it takes to give most adults nightmares is to remind them that these same kids will be out in the real world soon, and who knows, one of the them may even be the future President of United States!

Before that thought frightens you too much, just calm down!!! Let me tell you a little secret.... ...they will eventually mature! I know, I know... looking at some of the youth out there makes you question that last statement, but trust me! It really does happen.

The beginning of the 2010-2011 school year meant that the first group of kids that I taught at my current school are now seniors in high school. Staying at the same school for the last seven years and the wonders of Facebook means that I have been able to keep in touch with some of these students.

• Remembering the girl that yelled often and had the bad habit of throwing her pencil whenever she got mad... She's now a young lady and able to hold a reasonable and intelligent conversation.
• Or running into the boy that whined too much and often spoke like a baby when I had to talk to him about his behavior...Now he's able to look me in the eye without any trace of a childish tone in his voice.
• Or what about me?! Thinking back on my own school experience and knowing how embarrassed I would be if someone judged me on how I acted at certain times during the school year!

All of those examples serve to remind me that the current crop of knuckleheads sitting in my classroom will eventually figure things out, mature, and be productive members of society. How do I know? Well... it happened for me, and it happened for you!

I guess you have to look at your students as wine or cheese. Be patient with them during the awkward stages, and yes, a few of them will always be spoiled or stinky, but the majority will only get better with age!

-Mr. F

Story Time...

Just a few stories and conversations from years past...

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We were a year or so into the adoption process. I would start the year be announcing that my wife and I were trying to adopt a boy and that I may have to take some time off to travel. The students would ask questions ranging from why, to how much adopting costs, and what made us choose Guatemala in looking for a son. I was always happy to answer their questions and share that part of my life.

Now, the only thing that matches a 7th grader's curiosity is their forgetfulness. It was a few months later when one of the boys wanted to know where I was adopting from, but before I could answer a girl across the aisle tried to help and confidently said, "He is adopting from Gonorrhea." I froze! Some kids in the class started snickering, and I gave them my best "teacher look" to get them to stop. I quietly corrected her and, thankfully, class continued without incident, but I did have to wonder where a middle school had heard that before!

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Each year some of the staff play a co-ed basketball game against the 8th grade teams. This is one of the few times a year that I participate in organized sports. A few weeks before the game, the teachers start "practicing" after school a couple of times a week. This is mainly so that some of us don't look like total fools come game time.

During this particular practice, a couple of former students were playing with us. Now let me remind you, I am tall (6'8"), but there is not much talent to back it up! Toward the end of practice, as I was getting tired, I went forward to press one of the kids. I don't remember if the ball went behind his back or between his legs, but I ended up on my butt as he blew by me. All I could do was laugh when the boy scored; he came back over to me with a smile on his face, and said, "Mr. Farnham, you tall for nothin!"

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The first day of school is usually spent going over the student handbook and basic school rules. I typically cover the sections on discipline procedures and the dress code. The discipline section is pretty straight forward, but the topic of dress code can be tricky with the gender-based classes that we currently have in my building. I basically have the task of trying to discuss fashion and looks to a room full of teenage girls without sounding creepy.

Luckily for me, my school district cleared up a lot of the language in the dress code section, and it no longer concerns itself with students expressing their individuality (i.e. hair color or piercings). However, keeping their underwear and cleavage covered is still required. This is no big deal when talking to the guys, but it can be awkward when discussing with the girls.

To solve this potentially unpleasant topic, I try to keep things light and humorous. The last time I gave this speech, things were going well, and I finished putting the handbook wording into "7th grade language" for the girls and said, "So ladies, be sure to keep your shirts and tops pulled up because none of us in here are interested in knowing what God has given you." Just as I finished, I saw a rather petite girl at the front of the room squeezing her upper arms towards her chest, looking down, and saying sadly, "I don't have any cleavage." She and the rest of the class started to giggle and I had to turn away to keep from laughing.

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What can I say? It is never boring working in a middle school. :)

-Mr. F

Hallway Favorites

Whether I admit it in front of a class or not, as a teacher I have favorites. There are always going to be those students that mesh better with my personality or just have a unique view on life that is fun to be around. This post isn't about them....

I was thinking the other day about a different kind of favorite. I am talking about the student that you have never had in class, yet you still find them entertaining and engaging to be around. You may only see them in the hallway or during the lunch period. You may only get to talk to them for a few minutes at a time, but they are just as enjoyable as a student that you have in your classroom for weeks or months!

Thinking about it even more makes me realize that this type of student relationship is harder to come by than the inside the classroom relationship. I realize now that this "outside" student relationship actually gets its start with the students inside the classroom. How else does the "stranger" student get to know you except through the comments and perceptions of the kids in your classroom?

In essence, it's all about reputation! Do my students think I am a stuck up snob, a short-fused yeller, a lovable nerd, or any other combinations? As I considered this idea of favorites even more, I began to comprehend the fact that relationships are less about the things I say and more to do with how I make students feel! I can talk a big game, but if I am not careful about my tone of voice, volume, or even body language, then all I say will count for nothing!

Actually, the idea can be applied to the world at large as well. How easy is it to talk big to your colleagues, Sunday school class, or family? Stop talking about being different or being better! Start talking to and treating people better.

Seriously, when is a better time than now?

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As for my "outside-of-the-classroom" favorite, I call her Hallway Barbie. While she was in my grade level, I continually saw her with a hall pass going somewhere during class. It got so bad that I told her someone should make a doll based on her, but instead of accessories like earrings or purses, they should give her a full set of hall passes to carry!

At the beginning of the next year, Hallway Barbie had to deal with the loss of a family member. This is something that no child should have to go through and reminded me that sometimes academics have to take a back seat to life issues for a short time.

While other teachers may have seen a trouble maker (and she could be a handful sometimes). I saw a kid that was just trying to have fun and to survive the day-to-day life of middle school. She didn't always make the best decisions, and now that I think about it, a few of our conversations that year were while she was sitting in the office! Hopefully, I gave her someone to talk to without being judgmental.

That's the thing about kids. They are way smarter than they act sometimes. Hallway Barbie didn't need anyone telling her she messed up over and over. She already knew. She, like most students, has her whole life ahead of her and occasionally just needed to be reminded that she was better than the choices and mistakes she made. Kids have the benefit of youth and are better prepared to bounce back from their poor choices, but only if the adults let them move on with life. So.....

Dear Hallway Barbie,

I hope you are enjoying life and things are going well. You are a smart, talented, and beautiful person. I hope you have been learning from your past choices and becoming even better because of it.

And remember, when dealing with drama... step around, not in it! ;)

Mr. F

Gaseous Anomalies

I am not sure if this is because of the gender-based classes that we have right now or if it is just the age group, but it seems as if passing gas is the activity of choice lately.

I admit that the public display of flatulence is really humorous, but when does it lose its appeal? I mean, we all do it and have participated in the act with embarrassing consequences. When is it enough?! That being said, here are some situations that have made me laugh recently and through the years.

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The Inadvertent Offender

The most frequent occurrence seems to be when a student thinks they can just squeak one out and no one will notice. This is also the student that does not pay attention in science class and, therefore, doesn't understand what last night's burrito binge has created in his intestines while he slept. I am sure there is no malice on the part of the student, just the need to relieve the pressure and discomfort down below. In spite of intentions, this exercise rarely ends as quietly or odorlessly as originally intended.

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The Chain Reaction (aka: Mutually Assured Destruction)

Once the first shot is fired, you risk the escalation into an all-out cheese-cutting conflict. It is as if the other boys have had their fledgling manhood questioned, and they must produce their own sample of natural gas to save any reputation that they have. This rise in production is hard to stop once it gets rolling, but I have found two tactics that have brought results in the past.

Plan A - Make them sit there and smell their own creations until they become so sick of themselves that they call a ceasefire to the hostilities. The trick for the teacher is finding a clean air zone in a corner of the room because it may get worse before it gets better.

Plan B - Remind the boys that there are girls in the building, and if those girls ever connect the burning in their noses with those boys' faces, then they can kiss their dating opportunities goodbye!

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The Cropduster!

I am convinced that this next perpetrator is trying out for a career in the CIA. This student usually starts his devious plans with something innocent looking, like walking across the room to get a tissue or to throw away a piece of paper, but little do we know, an evil scheme is being set in motion as he weaves his way across the room, dusting the air with noxious fumes designed to disrupt the basic functions of the brain. I am sure that he was proud of his ninja- like skill in silently bringing about the death and destruction of so many, but did you have to chose my class to show off?!

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The Biochemical Warrior

This incident happened in the first years of my teaching. The kids had returned from lunch and were settling down to do their assignment when a boy came rushing to my desk, asking to go to the bathroom. As I prepared a speech about using his time wisely and taking care of these things on his time, the wind current he created en-route to my desk caught up with him. It was as if a green fog descended around me, tainting all available oxygen molecules with the stench of toxic death. I maintained a professional face, didn't gag or cough, and let the young man go, all the while thinking, "Did you have to wait until the absolute last minute to ask?".

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That last story taught me to be a little more discerning when it comes to granting students a pass to the bathroom. You may run into problems if you constantly answer requests for the restroom pass with a "No!".

My suggestion.... look at the eyes! It has been said that eyes are the window into someone's soul, but the same can be said for their intestines. So... if there is a twinkle in their eye while asking, the chances are high that you will be safe in denying the request. They are probably just bored and looking for an excuse to leave the room. However, if their eyes resemble the wide-eyed, wild nature of a cornered animal, by all means let them go! For if you don't, it will end badly for all involved!

-Mr. F

Battlefield Promotion

Sarcasm.... it is a touchy subject in the education world.

Officially, the use of sarcasm is frowned upon in the classroom. I mean... we MUST be concerned with their fragile ego and self-esteem. (Yes, that was sarcastic! I couldn't help myself.) I have heard a few reasonable and academic arguments for not using this particular technique, but I always liked the way Relient K (awesome band, FYI) describes the power of words in their song,Bite My Tongue.

I've never broken bones
With a stone or a stick
But I've conjured up a phrase
That can cut to the quick

On the other hand, I truly believe that sarcasm is the native language of most teenagers, and if you are going to live your life firmly entrenched inside another culture, you may as well speak the language. When in Rome.... :)

That being said, it is rare that the tables are turned against me and I am forced to fight off an attack with a weapon from my own arsenal.

Me - **walking around the room, supervising students, and doing other such teacher-y things**

boy - **looking up, contemplating my verticalness** "You're tall!"

Me - "Thank you, Captain Obvious!"

boy - "You're welcome, Lieutenant Sarcasm!"

It was in that moment that I knew I had been bested and could only walk away denying him the satisfaction of seeing me smile.

You may have have won the battle kid, but the war is MINE!!!

-Mr. F

Head Games

I was surveying my kingdom as the advisory period was coming to an end when I noticed two boys lazily staring into space. All of sudden a conversation breaks out.

Student A - "I hit my head on the toilet seat this morning."

Student B - **stares. mouth open in disbelief. (...or was it confusion)**

Student A - "Yeah, I was just sitting there. I reached for something and when I sat up... BAM!!!" **chuckles quietly to himself**

Two thoughts crossed my mind.

#1 How exactly does that happen? Were you stretching while taking care of your business and BAM? ....Or did a slightly loose toilet seat go BAM over your head as you tried to pick up your lost property?

#2 Why in the name of God would you admit this in public?

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On the way to the buses a boy tried to convert me to his new favorite hobby.

"Mr. Farnham, close your eyes and shake your head really fast. It will make you dizzy and lose your balance."

As excited as that sounded I had to decline the offer. :)

-Mr. F

Bringing my work home.

I think I will call today... Life Lesson Saturday!

Son (who recently turned four) has been testing the limits of behavior today, but in this particular case he didn't realize he was messing with a trained professional!

Son has been really good with his chore/behavior chart, which has made him prematurely wealthy. He has talked about going to the store and buying some more Cars toys for his growing collection. Wife and I thought this morning would be a great day for a toy shopping trip. After careful deliberation, Son decided on a Mack the Truck car hauler, weaved his way to the checkout, and we made our way home.

Seeing as we were quickly closing in on nap time, Wife started getting lunch together while Son and I made the battle plans necessary for opening the pesky plastic packaging (nice alliteration!). We managed to conquer our foe just as we were called to the table. Son immediately looked conflicted!

Son: "I wanna play wif Mack."

Me: "That's fine, but we need to eat first."

**Son sulks to the table**

Wife: "Why are you looking so grumpy?"

Son: "I not!!" **forces a smile**

The next few minutes passed quietly as Wife and I talked about our plans for the afternoon. Son just sat there poking at his food.

Son: **mutters something while looking from Wife to Me**

Son: **repeats more confidently** "My tummy kinda full."

Me: "Well if your tummy is full I guess you can get down from the table."

At this response, Son left the table looking victorious, but slightly confused. It was as if he was thinking, "That was too easy!" Nonetheless, he happily made his way to the new toy.

Me: "Wait! What are you doing? Mamma and Daddy said you could play after you ate."

Son: **tearing up a little** "...but I wanna play wif Mack."

Me: "Sorry. That is not what we said. You can play with your other toys, but Mack has to wait until after nap."

Cue the weeping and gnashing of teeth!

After a few minutes of crying in his room, we see the silhouette of a little boy making his way back down the hallway. Son looks a little sheepish, but armed with a new plan!

Son: "My tummy not full now."

Wife and I do our best to keep a straight face as Son climbs back up to the table and starts to eat. Unfortunately, because of his previous shenanigans, there is no longer time to play before nap time, and Mack is definitely going to have to wait.

What Son failed to realize is that I deal with this type of situation multiple times during the course of a school day. Students often ask to do something they want without completing the task that I have given them. I consider it a game to figure out a way to give them what they desire, but in a manner that they hadn't planned. The ultimate lesson being that it is better to do what is asked of you than to plot and scheme your way through.

Sorry Son, but you're going to have to step up your game if you want to beat me! :)

-Mr. F

Giant?!?!

A giant, seriously?!

Well... I figure 6'8" is close enough.

Sometimes I forget just how tall I look to others.

In the end, it is a blessing and a curse. There is a certain amount of respect that comes with being this tall while working in the land of 11-14 year olds.

On the other hand, I have to be careful how I come across. Being freakishly tall sometimes causes students to take their time warming up to me.

It does provide for some interesting conversations!

student - "You're tall"

Mr. F - "You're observant."

student - "Did you play basketball?"

Mr. F - "Nope, are you a jockey?"

Sometimes it even leads to cross-curricular lessons. Here is a typical one on proportions.

"You have big feet, Mr. Farnham."

"Yes, I do, but if they were small then I would fall over all the time! It's all about balance kids!"

One thing is for sure... it makes me hard to forget! :)

-Mr. F

Beginnings...

Why a blog?

I wanted to start up a teacher blog again as a way to get some thoughts out of my head. Often I am guilty of trying to juggle too many mental plates, and I thought that a written journal may help in cleaning out the clutter upstairs.

In addition to that, so much goes on during a day that sometimes the little lessons learned can be lost in the shuffle. A school day can be the most peaceful or chaotic thing you have experienced, and since I believe that the beauty of life is in the details, I am hoping this project will help me see and remember the wonder around me.

That's nice, but who are you?

I am certified in Social Studies 6th-12th grade and in six different subjects. I am starting my 8th year teaching and am currently employed at the middle school level in a school district that is transitioning from a suburban to an urban environment. I recently received my National Board for Professional Teaching Standards certification and am looking forward to applying everything I learned about myself and my teaching through that process.

Are you some kind of workaholic? What else do you do?

I am married and have a son. My wife Emily and I met in college and have been married since 2001. We adopted our son, David, from Guatemala in 2008 and have been loving the ups and downs of being a parent ever since. Oh... don't want to forget the dogs, three Mini Schnauzers: Gunther, Graham, and Eoghan.

As for my free time, I LOVE soccer. I was a mediocre player at best and had a short stint as a referee in high school, but lucky for me it takes no skill to watch. I follow a few teams from around the globe, but Liverpool FC is the team I support above them all. College football is another joy of mine (Hook'em Horns!!!), but most other sports just garner causal interest. I also enjoy reading, movies, video games, podcasts, shooting sports, and cooking.

Well... that is the why and the who. We can worry about the rest as the year progresses.

-Mr. F