Story Time...

Just a few stories and conversations from years past...

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We were a year or so into the adoption process. I would start the year be announcing that my wife and I were trying to adopt a boy and that I may have to take some time off to travel. The students would ask questions ranging from why, to how much adopting costs, and what made us choose Guatemala in looking for a son. I was always happy to answer their questions and share that part of my life.

Now, the only thing that matches a 7th grader's curiosity is their forgetfulness. It was a few months later when one of the boys wanted to know where I was adopting from, but before I could answer a girl across the aisle tried to help and confidently said, "He is adopting from Gonorrhea." I froze! Some kids in the class started snickering, and I gave them my best "teacher look" to get them to stop. I quietly corrected her and, thankfully, class continued without incident, but I did have to wonder where a middle school had heard that before!

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Each year some of the staff play a co-ed basketball game against the 8th grade teams. This is one of the few times a year that I participate in organized sports. A few weeks before the game, the teachers start "practicing" after school a couple of times a week. This is mainly so that some of us don't look like total fools come game time.

During this particular practice, a couple of former students were playing with us. Now let me remind you, I am tall (6'8"), but there is not much talent to back it up! Toward the end of practice, as I was getting tired, I went forward to press one of the kids. I don't remember if the ball went behind his back or between his legs, but I ended up on my butt as he blew by me. All I could do was laugh when the boy scored; he came back over to me with a smile on his face, and said, "Mr. Farnham, you tall for nothin!"

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The first day of school is usually spent going over the student handbook and basic school rules. I typically cover the sections on discipline procedures and the dress code. The discipline section is pretty straight forward, but the topic of dress code can be tricky with the gender-based classes that we currently have in my building. I basically have the task of trying to discuss fashion and looks to a room full of teenage girls without sounding creepy.

Luckily for me, my school district cleared up a lot of the language in the dress code section, and it no longer concerns itself with students expressing their individuality (i.e. hair color or piercings). However, keeping their underwear and cleavage covered is still required. This is no big deal when talking to the guys, but it can be awkward when discussing with the girls.

To solve this potentially unpleasant topic, I try to keep things light and humorous. The last time I gave this speech, things were going well, and I finished putting the handbook wording into "7th grade language" for the girls and said, "So ladies, be sure to keep your shirts and tops pulled up because none of us in here are interested in knowing what God has given you." Just as I finished, I saw a rather petite girl at the front of the room squeezing her upper arms towards her chest, looking down, and saying sadly, "I don't have any cleavage." She and the rest of the class started to giggle and I had to turn away to keep from laughing.

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What can I say? It is never boring working in a middle school. :)

-Mr. F