Wait.... No need to click the back button! You are in the right place. I know the book cover to the left may seem a little weird for a middle school teacher blog, but I promise it will make sense in a minute.A common phrase I hear muttered by female teachers is "those boys!" As in, those boys are loud/active/disrespectful/gaseous(!). Regrettably, these situations are usually handled with an overbearing attitude or a raised voice from the teacher. I think a lot of these unfortunate incidents could be avoided with a little more understanding between the genders.
Let me tell you a not so well-kept secret... men are simple! Now before the laughter gets out of control, I don't mean "simple" intellectually. I am talking about what makes us tick and keeps us happy. Here is a quote from the first chapter of the book.
"[M]en are simple creatures who come from a woman, are nurtured and brought up by a woman, and yearn for the continued love, admiration and approval of a woman. . . Women need to better appreciate the magnitude of their power and influence over men, and not misuse or abuse it."
One universal concept in the book is that what all men (And aren't the boys in our classes just men in the making?) really need are the three A's: attention, affection, and affirmation. Speaking as a man myself, I couldn't agree more!
Now I know the teacher/student relationship is different from that of husband and wife, but couldn't the three A's also be applied in the classroom?
--A boy that is not receiving attention will seek it by any means possible. This often shows itself through classroom disruptions. After all, negative attention is still attention!
--On the subject of affection, I am not necessarily advocating the physical variety. (I don't want to see any of you as the lead story on the evening news!) However, our affection for the young men in our classroom can be easily shown through our body language and our tone voice. It is hard to convince someone that you care for them when you are scowling their way. Perhaps teachers should spend some time in front of a mirror practicing their smile! :)
--As for affirmation, who doesn't like to hear from others about the good job they are doing? Teachers should work on being more open with their uplifting words and encouragement. Maybe that "unmotivated" boy in class has quit only because no one has taken the time to remind him that he is capable of doing a good job in academics and behavior.
Sooo... the next time you are having problems with "those boys," maybe you can take a step back and evaluate how you are fulfilling their needs for the three A's in your classroom.
Not to play devil's advocate, but on the flip side of this it can be utterly exhausting having a classroom of 25 boys who are all seeking your attention, affection and affirmation at the same time. I would love to be able to spend 5 minutes with each and every student giving them positive affirmation, but then you have the other 24 clamoring for your full attention while you are with the individual student. And even 2 minutes of one-on-one "how was your day" time for each kid adds up to 50 minutes, which leaves zero time for instruction. And in the end, isn't the learning what school is really about? I'm big on the relationship aspect too, and think it is imperative to have mutual respect between you and your students, but if that was all I wanted my job to be about, I would be a counselor or a youth group leader. At the end of the day, they still have to know the material I am trying to teach them in order to be successful in the long run. And that goes for both genders. Don't get me wrong, I love my boys classes (probably more than my girls classes, but don't tell them I said that), but they really can wear you down. If I'm frustrated with them at the end of the day, it's not because they are boys, its because their behavior is keeping me from doing my job effectively and hindering the ones that are trying to learn. Not all boys are as rambunctious, and they get just as frustrated with their classmates as I occasionally do.
ReplyDeleteI don't think taking care of the three A's has to be as formal as a one-on-one. I am sure you do daily little things to address these needs. Kids are very perceptive and will pick up on your attempts in fulfilling the three A's even without direct verbal communication.
ReplyDeleteFor example...
-Do you greet them at the door with a smile? This does wonders in letting them know that you care and are glad to see them in your class.
-What about the inside jokes that crop up in a classroom through the course of the year? Kids love when we allow ourselves to be silly with the them even if it is only for a few moments.
-What about your tone of voice or body language when addressing a student? The facial expressions and tone we use can communicate very clearly what our levels of attention, affection, and affirmation we have towards that particular student.
I am sure that you can think of other examples from your classroom of the three A's being meet in a similar way.