Respect AND Relationship

So it seems that teachers are getting the concepts of respect and relationship in the classroom a little confused. Through numerous conversations and observations, it appears to me that many educators either assume that they are the same thing, or believe that, if they have respect, then a relationship will automatically grow.

It is my opinion that respect and relationship are different and manifest themselves differently in the classroom. I am NOT saying they do not influence each other, and I DO believe that certain levels of each are required to run a productive, memorable classroom, but before we can make our classrooms better, educators need to admit the difference and understand the two.

Let's start with respect. ("giving attention, hold in special regard")
This can be seen when the class "looks up" to the teacher. They pay attention when it is required and students generally do what has been asked of them. This level of respect from students is usually developed by one of two methods, demanding it or earning it. More often than not I hear the "demanding it" method (i.e."because I am the teacher") being used, but I personally prefer the "earning it" method. I know students should automatically respect me as a teacher, but how hard is it to humble myself and take a little bit of time earning their respect from time to time? It beats demanding it, not getting it, and then spending another school year whining about those disrespectful kids!

On to relationship. ("connecting, binding")
This is the more of intangible aspect of the classroom, and can be best expressed as a feeling that the teacher and student have toward each other while working in the classroom. Think back to some of your past, successful relationships (professional and personal). I am sure that, more than the things you did, it was how you felt being with them and when time came to part company, you felt better for having known them. This is how our students should feel about us!

I believe a decent standard for understanding and growing student relationships is the Golden Rule. Do you like being yelled at or being made to look dumb in front of your friends? Then don't do it to your students! If it would hurt your feelings, then more than likely it is the same for them. How many of you like to hear words of praise or feel important in your job? If so then why not set up ways of fostering those feelings in your students?

A quick example on the difference between respect and relationship. I have respect for the 60+ members of faculty and staff in my building, but I don't have a relationship with all of them. This means that, while I respect their professional abilities to do their jobs, I probably won't be asking them for favors any time soon. I just don't know them in that way. While this is fine for an adult, professional relationship, I don't believe it is the way to run a classroom.

I really do believe that respect and relationship BOTH have important roles to play in our classrooms and by failing to cultivate both we are ultimately setting up our time to be less effective than it could be. For a successful classroom environment, it really is about getting that perfect mixture of respect and relationship!

So, are you doing your best to promote respect AND relationship among your students?