The 3 Questions, Part 3

The three questions students want answered by their teachers, but will never ask.

#3 - "Can I trust you?"

Trust requires relationship.
How is your relationship with your students? Do they come to you with problems big or small? Can they relate to you as another human being? Do you treat them as you want to be treated?

Thinking of my past experiences has made me realize that the people that I have trusted the most were those that I could relate to in one way or another.

The Golden Rule is an old concept, but still applies! You should treat the students in your classes in the same way that you would want if you were in their position. If you are doing any less then that, is it any wonder that you are having behavior and performance issues in your classes?

Recently, I have been reading a book for my Sunday School class, and the authors suggested that it may actually be more important for adults to earn the trust of their kids than the other way around. As parents, we should be most concerned with the hearts of our children. Unfortunately, sometimes fighting to keep our kids in line overshadows the fact that we are working with another human being and that our complete focus on obedience can have unintended consequences down the road. Obedience is a good goal, but without love and trust, it is a hollow victory.

Sooo.... are you fighting WITH or FOR your students? Are you actually concerned with their heart, their character, or are you just interested in keeping them in line to make your job easier?

I guarantee you that the students in your classroom can tell the difference!

The 3 Questions, Part 2

The three questions students want answered by their teachers, but will never ask.

#2 - "Do you care about me?"

If I look back on the teachers that I have known in my life, the ones that had the biggest impact on me, I start to find a common thread: They cared about me as a person.

Some may have wanted me to be more intelligent in my choices, some may have wished to give me a piece of their knowledge to help me along in life, others just saw potential and didn't want to see it wasted. All of these teachers cared about who I was and who I might become.

If you think about it, isn't that what every student is looking for? Isn't that what all relationships are based on... caring? I can guarantee you that a student will work harder and be less of a discipline issue when they know that you care. Don't get me wrong. Not every child will turn into a model student just because you take the time to get to know them better, and some may even rebel against it, but I prefer caring to be being false or cruel.

Let me be clear, this kind of caring has to be genuine and not based on something you want from the kid. ("If I talk nicely, then the class will behave.") Don't confuse caring with being nice. I am not talking about asking kids how their day is or complimenting them on their clothes. Caring is about seeking what is best for the student and taking the time to explain to them why you are doing what you do, not just beating them over the head with your words.

Remember.... kids can sniff out false words like dogs smell fear!

The 3 Questions, Part 1

The three questions students want answered by their teachers, but will never ask.

#1 - "Are you committed to your job?"

Well... are you? Do you strive to get better each day? Do you read to get new information about content or styles of teaching? Do you reflect on your interactions with the kids and try to make them meaningful?

Let's be honest. Who wants to work with, much less for, someone that does not put their best effort into what they do?

Soo... as we head into the final weeks of the school year and begin making our summer plans, take some time to to answer this 1st question for yourself. Are you committed to your job and being the best teacher you can be, or do you find excuses to cut corners? Do you blame other people (students, parents, administration) when your class does not go as planned? Do you find faults in the grading and discipline systems to justify lowering your commitment?

As an educator, it would be hypocritical to demand commitment from our students while allowing excuses to lower our own levels of commitment.

...And if you are not committed to your job as a teacher, well, then you owe it to yourself and the kids to get motivated or get out of education.

BEE Yourself...

Geek. Funny. Argumentative. Smart. Weird. Laid Back. Opinionated. Organized. Too Friendly. Too Strict. Different.
Nerd. Anti-Social. Childish. Friendly. Creepy. Confident. Mean. Good. Bad. Jerk. Favorite.

Sooo... What was that all about you ask?

Those are all names and descriptors I have heard used to define my classroom and me as a teacher, from both students and co-workers.

...And, you know, I am okay with all of them! Besides, can anyone really come up with a meaning of "normal" that includes more than just a small percentage of the human population? In the end, your definition of "normal" tends to develop into a picture very similar to yourself!

"Who am I?" "Am I normal?" or worse "Am I different?"
These are questions that all middle school students struggle with at some point during their years with us. They fight so hard to be liked by others and not stick out, all the while sacrificing a little bit of themselves at each turn in the process. I believe one of the biggest failings of classrooms is not reinforcing the fact that there is NO SUCH THING as "normal." Each student comes to us with unique intelligences and abilities, but, unfortunately for them, most teachers do not want unique. Most teachers want uniform... sameness... robots. They have tests to prepare students for, and their jobs would be so much easier if the kids would act the same... be "normal".
(Hey, Teachers!!! I have news for you. This picturesque, nonfluctuating classroom is NEVER going to happen!)

Maybe that is why I let my "normal" leak out all over the place. How else are kids supposed to understand that no one is normal, that we are all unique, if no one models this mindset? They do not get this from their friends, music, or TV/movies. Those sources are filled with images and words telling our kids how to act, talk, and look so they do not stand out in a crowd. Very robotic!

I also think that being comfortable with your personality and knowing who you are automatically makes you more lenient towards people. You become less judgmental of others just because they did not react the way you wanted or did not handle a situation the way you thought was best.

So teachers... Let's work on a couple of things. I think we should be more accepting of the uniqueness that is brought into our classroom by our students and learn to do the best with it. Second, shouldn't we be better at modeling how the "real" world works? We don't have to please everyone, and when differences arise with our friends/acquaintances, it is not the end of the world. Help the kids understand that it is fine to be quirky or like things that others may not by modeling it in our own behavior and words.

...Because, do we really want a world without variety?

Respect AND Relationship

So it seems that teachers are getting the concepts of respect and relationship in the classroom a little confused. Through numerous conversations and observations, it appears to me that many educators either assume that they are the same thing, or believe that, if they have respect, then a relationship will automatically grow.

It is my opinion that respect and relationship are different and manifest themselves differently in the classroom. I am NOT saying they do not influence each other, and I DO believe that certain levels of each are required to run a productive, memorable classroom, but before we can make our classrooms better, educators need to admit the difference and understand the two.

Let's start with respect. ("giving attention, hold in special regard")
This can be seen when the class "looks up" to the teacher. They pay attention when it is required and students generally do what has been asked of them. This level of respect from students is usually developed by one of two methods, demanding it or earning it. More often than not I hear the "demanding it" method (i.e."because I am the teacher") being used, but I personally prefer the "earning it" method. I know students should automatically respect me as a teacher, but how hard is it to humble myself and take a little bit of time earning their respect from time to time? It beats demanding it, not getting it, and then spending another school year whining about those disrespectful kids!

On to relationship. ("connecting, binding")
This is the more of intangible aspect of the classroom, and can be best expressed as a feeling that the teacher and student have toward each other while working in the classroom. Think back to some of your past, successful relationships (professional and personal). I am sure that, more than the things you did, it was how you felt being with them and when time came to part company, you felt better for having known them. This is how our students should feel about us!

I believe a decent standard for understanding and growing student relationships is the Golden Rule. Do you like being yelled at or being made to look dumb in front of your friends? Then don't do it to your students! If it would hurt your feelings, then more than likely it is the same for them. How many of you like to hear words of praise or feel important in your job? If so then why not set up ways of fostering those feelings in your students?

A quick example on the difference between respect and relationship. I have respect for the 60+ members of faculty and staff in my building, but I don't have a relationship with all of them. This means that, while I respect their professional abilities to do their jobs, I probably won't be asking them for favors any time soon. I just don't know them in that way. While this is fine for an adult, professional relationship, I don't believe it is the way to run a classroom.

I really do believe that respect and relationship BOTH have important roles to play in our classrooms and by failing to cultivate both we are ultimately setting up our time to be less effective than it could be. For a successful classroom environment, it really is about getting that perfect mixture of respect and relationship!

So, are you doing your best to promote respect AND relationship among your students?

Boys Will Be Boys?!

Wait.... No need to click the back button! You are in the right place. I know the book cover to the left may seem a little weird for a middle school teacher blog, but I promise it will make sense in a minute.

A common phrase I hear muttered by female teachers is "those boys!" As in, those boys are loud/active/disrespectful/gaseous(!). Regrettably, these situations are usually handled with an overbearing attitude or a raised voice from the teacher. I think a lot of these unfortunate incidents could be avoided with a little more understanding between the genders.

Let me tell you a not so well-kept secret... men are simple! Now before the laughter gets out of control, I don't mean "simple" intellectually. I am talking about what makes us tick and keeps us happy. Here is a quote from the first chapter of the book.

"[M]en are simple creatures who come from a woman, are nurtured and brought up by a woman, and yearn for the continued love, admiration and approval of a woman. . . Women need to better appreciate the magnitude of their power and influence over men, and not misuse or abuse it."

One universal concept in the book is that what all men (And aren't the boys in our classes just men in the making?) really need are the three A's: attention, affection, and affirmation. Speaking as a man myself, I couldn't agree more!

Now I know the teacher/student relationship is different from that of husband and wife, but couldn't the three A's also be applied in the classroom?

--A boy that is not receiving attention will seek it by any means possible. This often shows itself through classroom disruptions. After all, negative attention is still attention!
--On the subject of affection, I am not necessarily advocating the physical variety. (I don't want to see any of you as the lead story on the evening news!) However, our affection for the young men in our classroom can be easily shown through our body language and our tone voice. It is hard to convince someone that you care for them when you are scowling their way. Perhaps teachers should spend some time in front of a mirror practicing their smile! :)
--As for affirmation, who doesn't like to hear from others about the good job they are doing? Teachers should work on being more open with their uplifting words and encouragement. Maybe that "unmotivated" boy in class has quit only because no one has taken the time to remind him that he is capable of doing a good job in academics and behavior.

Sooo... the next time you are having problems with "those boys," maybe you can take a step back and evaluate how you are fulfilling their needs for the three A's in your classroom.

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PS - This really is a great book for married or engaged couples, and it probably wouldn't hurt for single people to read it as well. My wife and I found it early in our marriage, and it has been a good foundation for communication and understanding. You can order it from Amazon.com by clicking HERE.

Atmosphere over Aesthetics...

As many of my students will tell you, I enjoy my video games and look forward to getting my Game Informer magazine each month. I usually give the magazine away to a student whenever I finish reading it, but this month the opinion article really got me thinking about the concept of "atmosphere vs. aesthetics".

In the article, the author makes the case that modern blockbuster games gain their standing not from ever increasing life-like realism, but more from well-written stories and immersive backdrops.

I agree with the author, and as good game designers should focus on the ambience, so should teachers pay attention to the atmosphere of our classrooms. Techniques and students will come and go, but how they feel about you will last long after the last class bell rings.

Many teachers worry too much about testing, hammering the point so often that kids just block them out even when they are talking about something else. Others fret about how they look to principals and other teachers so much that they will often put on a show about disciplining a student and, in the process, alienate the child as well as other students who witnessed the needless display of power. These are just a few examples of focusing on the looks of your classroom, the "aesthetics."

However, on a deeper level is atmosphere. The essence and backdrop of a classroom. Admittedly, this is much harder to create in reality than with video games. I think the trick to maintaining an engrossing, immersive environment is trying to keep things emotionally level. It can be devastating for the mood of the class to spend too much time at the extremes of silliness or seriousness. The only way to avoid this calamity is by being mindful of it happening and taking steps from swinging too far in any direction.

In the end, if you focus on the relationships (the atmosphere), I believe the growth will take care of itself... even if you don't necessarily see the fruit of your labor in your classroom.

PS - Any and all thoughts, questions, and comments would be appreciated below!