Respect AND Relationship

So it seems that teachers are getting the concepts of respect and relationship in the classroom a little confused. Through numerous conversations and observations, it appears to me that many educators either assume that they are the same thing, or believe that, if they have respect, then a relationship will automatically grow.

It is my opinion that respect and relationship are different and manifest themselves differently in the classroom. I am NOT saying they do not influence each other, and I DO believe that certain levels of each are required to run a productive, memorable classroom, but before we can make our classrooms better, educators need to admit the difference and understand the two.

Let's start with respect. ("giving attention, hold in special regard")
This can be seen when the class "looks up" to the teacher. They pay attention when it is required and students generally do what has been asked of them. This level of respect from students is usually developed by one of two methods, demanding it or earning it. More often than not I hear the "demanding it" method (i.e."because I am the teacher") being used, but I personally prefer the "earning it" method. I know students should automatically respect me as a teacher, but how hard is it to humble myself and take a little bit of time earning their respect from time to time? It beats demanding it, not getting it, and then spending another school year whining about those disrespectful kids!

On to relationship. ("connecting, binding")
This is the more of intangible aspect of the classroom, and can be best expressed as a feeling that the teacher and student have toward each other while working in the classroom. Think back to some of your past, successful relationships (professional and personal). I am sure that, more than the things you did, it was how you felt being with them and when time came to part company, you felt better for having known them. This is how our students should feel about us!

I believe a decent standard for understanding and growing student relationships is the Golden Rule. Do you like being yelled at or being made to look dumb in front of your friends? Then don't do it to your students! If it would hurt your feelings, then more than likely it is the same for them. How many of you like to hear words of praise or feel important in your job? If so then why not set up ways of fostering those feelings in your students?

A quick example on the difference between respect and relationship. I have respect for the 60+ members of faculty and staff in my building, but I don't have a relationship with all of them. This means that, while I respect their professional abilities to do their jobs, I probably won't be asking them for favors any time soon. I just don't know them in that way. While this is fine for an adult, professional relationship, I don't believe it is the way to run a classroom.

I really do believe that respect and relationship BOTH have important roles to play in our classrooms and by failing to cultivate both we are ultimately setting up our time to be less effective than it could be. For a successful classroom environment, it really is about getting that perfect mixture of respect and relationship!

So, are you doing your best to promote respect AND relationship among your students?

Boys Will Be Boys?!

Wait.... No need to click the back button! You are in the right place. I know the book cover to the left may seem a little weird for a middle school teacher blog, but I promise it will make sense in a minute.

A common phrase I hear muttered by female teachers is "those boys!" As in, those boys are loud/active/disrespectful/gaseous(!). Regrettably, these situations are usually handled with an overbearing attitude or a raised voice from the teacher. I think a lot of these unfortunate incidents could be avoided with a little more understanding between the genders.

Let me tell you a not so well-kept secret... men are simple! Now before the laughter gets out of control, I don't mean "simple" intellectually. I am talking about what makes us tick and keeps us happy. Here is a quote from the first chapter of the book.

"[M]en are simple creatures who come from a woman, are nurtured and brought up by a woman, and yearn for the continued love, admiration and approval of a woman. . . Women need to better appreciate the magnitude of their power and influence over men, and not misuse or abuse it."

One universal concept in the book is that what all men (And aren't the boys in our classes just men in the making?) really need are the three A's: attention, affection, and affirmation. Speaking as a man myself, I couldn't agree more!

Now I know the teacher/student relationship is different from that of husband and wife, but couldn't the three A's also be applied in the classroom?

--A boy that is not receiving attention will seek it by any means possible. This often shows itself through classroom disruptions. After all, negative attention is still attention!
--On the subject of affection, I am not necessarily advocating the physical variety. (I don't want to see any of you as the lead story on the evening news!) However, our affection for the young men in our classroom can be easily shown through our body language and our tone voice. It is hard to convince someone that you care for them when you are scowling their way. Perhaps teachers should spend some time in front of a mirror practicing their smile! :)
--As for affirmation, who doesn't like to hear from others about the good job they are doing? Teachers should work on being more open with their uplifting words and encouragement. Maybe that "unmotivated" boy in class has quit only because no one has taken the time to remind him that he is capable of doing a good job in academics and behavior.

Sooo... the next time you are having problems with "those boys," maybe you can take a step back and evaluate how you are fulfilling their needs for the three A's in your classroom.

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PS - This really is a great book for married or engaged couples, and it probably wouldn't hurt for single people to read it as well. My wife and I found it early in our marriage, and it has been a good foundation for communication and understanding. You can order it from Amazon.com by clicking HERE.

Atmosphere over Aesthetics...

As many of my students will tell you, I enjoy my video games and look forward to getting my Game Informer magazine each month. I usually give the magazine away to a student whenever I finish reading it, but this month the opinion article really got me thinking about the concept of "atmosphere vs. aesthetics".

In the article, the author makes the case that modern blockbuster games gain their standing not from ever increasing life-like realism, but more from well-written stories and immersive backdrops.

I agree with the author, and as good game designers should focus on the ambience, so should teachers pay attention to the atmosphere of our classrooms. Techniques and students will come and go, but how they feel about you will last long after the last class bell rings.

Many teachers worry too much about testing, hammering the point so often that kids just block them out even when they are talking about something else. Others fret about how they look to principals and other teachers so much that they will often put on a show about disciplining a student and, in the process, alienate the child as well as other students who witnessed the needless display of power. These are just a few examples of focusing on the looks of your classroom, the "aesthetics."

However, on a deeper level is atmosphere. The essence and backdrop of a classroom. Admittedly, this is much harder to create in reality than with video games. I think the trick to maintaining an engrossing, immersive environment is trying to keep things emotionally level. It can be devastating for the mood of the class to spend too much time at the extremes of silliness or seriousness. The only way to avoid this calamity is by being mindful of it happening and taking steps from swinging too far in any direction.

In the end, if you focus on the relationships (the atmosphere), I believe the growth will take care of itself... even if you don't necessarily see the fruit of your labor in your classroom.

PS - Any and all thoughts, questions, and comments would be appreciated below!

Snow Days!?

Once again Oklahoma has been brought to a stand-still by a winter storm that probably would not even cause states further north to blink. However, since it does not make sense for most cities in this state to keep a fleet of snow cleaning equipment for the occasional winter storm, the teachers and students must endure these long breaks every few years when they blow through.

The snow day....

...a blessing and a curse for the teacher.

The big misconception is that we teachers enjoy these extra days off.

Don't get me wrong. It is nice to be able to spend some time with my family (Yes, my wife is a teacher too!), but we still have to make the days up eventually. Do not worry tax payers! We are not getting free money to sit around the house. Besides... that is what summer is for!!! ;)

Like most good things, snow days should be taken in moderation. A day or two here and there is no problem, but more than three days in a row off, and things start to get a little bit stale! Ultimately, cabin fever sets in, and you start to run out of things to do. Obscure items on the to-do list start getting marked off only because sitting still becomes annoying after the fourth day without work.

For example, here is a list of things that helped me waste away the time...

-got tax info together

-finished The Guinea Pig Diaries on my Kindle

-watched Star Wars: The Clone Wars with the son

-Insanity workout

-finished Star Wars: Republic Heroes on the Xbox

-was the target while my son practiced his snowball throwing skills

-Insanity workout

-made cookies

-listened to podcasts

-shoveled the driveway

-more Star Wars: Clone Wars with the kiddo

-rearranged the the kitchen

-Insanity workout

-Netflix movie with the wife

-shoveled some more, but had to stop because the snow shovel broke

-finished Fable III on the Xbox (Of course, I saved everybody!)

-kicked the snow around the driveway because I couldn't find a snow shovel to buy

-donuts and groceries with the son

-watched some soccer games on Xbox ESPN

-Insanity workout... again!!!

-buzzed off my hair

-rearranged the living room

-played The Orange Box on my Xbox

I feel like I was sort of productive on my days off, but I am ready to get back school.

What can I say? When you have a calling in life, nothing else fills the void like picking up and answering!

PS - Why yes, I do enjoy my Xbox! :)

Teacher-Student Dictionary

In an effort to bridge the gap between the generations, let me present to you the Farnham Teacher-Student Dictionary.

Unfortunately, as culture is constantly changing, some of these words and phrases may no longer be valid in a couple of years. Teenagers have a highly developed skill for developing new ways to say the same old thing!

One last caveat, some of the following entries may be particular to the teenage group located at Kenneth Cooper Middle School. Do not be alarmed if your students have no idea what you are trying to say.

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Ballin' - (verb) to play basketball well or to live rich

"The teachers be ballin' against those 8th graders every year!"

"He think he ballin' with that fake watch!!!"

Beast/Beastie/Beastly/Beasted - (noun, verb, adjective) to dominate, be good at something, or to be superior

"Man... Ken is beast at Black Ops."

"Cooper beasted on Hefner at the football game last night."

"This pizza is beast."

Catch the hands - (verb) to get smacked or punched in the face

"You're gonna catch the hands if you don't stop talking about my momma!"

Cold - (adjective) better than cool

"That's a cold jacket."

Chunk up the deuce - (verb) a greeting in the form of a sideways peace sign. (Not to be confused with the bathroom #2 or what monkeys do at the zoo.) ;)

"I saw my friend leaving the store, so I chunked up the deuce."

Fresh - (adjective, noun) to be cool or have good style, to flirt

"I dress so fresh and clean."

"Are you trying to get fresh with me?"

Get my name outta your mouth! - phrase meaning "don't talk about me;" often given as a reason for arguing/fighting

"You better get my name outta your mouth. You don't know me!"

"What was all that yelling about?" "She wouldn't get my name outta her mouth!"

I do me. You do you. - phrase meaning "stay out of my business"

"I'm tired of listening to your mouth, so how about this... I do me and you do you."

I'm straight - (adjective, verb) to be ok or fine with a situation, or to tell the truth

"I'm sorry I ran out of cookies." "That's ok, I'm straight."

"Listen to me. I'll tell it to you straight."

Irky - (adjective, adverb) to be annoy or bother to the point frustration

"LEAVE MY BINDER ALONE! Why gotta be so irky?"

"Go on with your irky self!"

Lockin' - (verb) Formerly a dance invented in the 70's; now a term for fighting.

"You better shut your mouth, or we gonna be lockin'."

"If you see Bob, tell him we are going to lock."

On me/On my momma/On God - a phrase meaning "I promise"; a swear or oath used when you're trying to be serious and no one believes you.

"On my momma.... that dog jumped out of the bushes and ate my homework!"

Poppin' - (verb) to get something started or as in "what's going on?"

"Let's get this party poppin."

"Hey Ken, what's poppin?"

Roastin' - (verb) to be cleverly make fun of someone or their appearance

Bob - "You calling me fat?! Well, I can lose weight, but you'll still be dumb!"

Ken - "Alright... we roastin' now!"

Sad - (adjective) usually drawn out, as in "Saaaad" - said after witnessing something pathetic or depressing

**pencil in other hand** "I can't find my pencil!" "Saaaad!"

"My girlfriend just dumped my with a text message!" "Saaaad!"

Swag - (noun) your confidence, style, demeanor, or overall reputation

"I'm really diggin' your swag."

"He got killa swag."

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Did I miss any good ones? Leave a comment below!

Good Kid, Bad Kid

As we get ready to start the second semester, I have had a thought that has been rattling around in my head. Let me see if I can put it into words....

A teacher's success should not be measured in the number of awards they receive or "good" students they teach, but in the number of "bad" students they have.

That sounds about right. Now I should explain that a little bit!

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Too many times I hear teachers bragging about the good kids they have taught and complaining about the bad kids they just put up with to survive the day. Some teachers take pride in pointing out these "good" students or classes, as if the teachers themselves were the sole reason for the positive outcome. I also see many educators pointing to certificates or grants they have received as if this too should be the definitive proof that they are successful teachers.

I guess my problem with those two pieces of evidence is this... they don't tell the whole story. The first option completely dismisses a large portion of the student body, the "bad" students. If we are truly honest with ourselves, succeeding with a room full of "good" kids isn't really that impressive. I mean, how hard is it really to work with a room full of motivated, eager people?The second reason totally misses the mark on what is most important in our schools, the kids! We are not paid to gather ribbons of merit or to collect honors to hang on the wall. We are in the classroom to work with children and to help them be better prepared for their future lives.

I believe true success comes from reaching out and connecting to as many of your students as you possibly can---to honestly say that you have no child in your room that you could live without, have no student that you constantly complain about or wish was no longer in your class. To say that means that you have taken every step possible to reach out to your students and left no stone unturned in trying to find a way to connect to each of the children that you see during your class periods instead of just writing them off as a "lost cause" because they don't get it as quickly as the others.

So to those of us in education looking for someone to look up to, someone to model our teaching styles or classrooms on, don't look at resumes filled with awards or fall into the rut of bad mouthing a kid just because it takes a little more effort to get through to them. Instead, take that energy and apply it to building a relationship with your students and realizing that the children in your room are only as "good" or "bad" as you perceive them.

Peter Pan Syndrome

I know... I know.... I have been neglecting my blogging duties, but even a highly organized, awesome teacher gets lazy sometimes! Besides, you didn't think I would let December end without a single blog post?

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One of the signs in my classroom says, "You never have to grow up, just be responsible for your actions." I have always subscribed to the idea that, although we grow up and start careers, we should never take life too seriously. You don't have to give up the things you like just because there are more candles on your birthday cake than in the past.

I have occasionally been accused by students of being a little boy trapped in a man's body, and I am OK with that! This comment mostly comes from the fact that I like video games, talk to kids about movies and music, and willingly do things that don't make me look that cool. (Maybe the toy lightsaber that I use for a map pointer doesn't help either!)

As a teacher, I believe it is important to stay in touch with the the little boy inside of me that sometimes gets beat down by adult worries. This serves a few purposes. First, it has been my experience that most people don't like hanging out with someone that worries, complains, or takes things too seriously. Life is supposed to be enjoyed, so who really wants to waste it on someone like that? Secondly, many of our younger generation are continually being told how they need to grow up and that the things they like are dumb. Why not teach the better lesson of knowing the difference between work time and play time? What is more important is that they know how to get a job done; and besides that, are their "favorites" dumb or just different than our own?

In the end, being true to myself, not giving up the things I like, and being quick to smile helps me to stay in good relationship with my students. I may not be young in age, but who says I can't stay young at heart?

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Sooo... with this big holiday coming up, try and do something for me. If you are still young, enjoy it! Remember the good times and keep them with you as you get older and situations don't always seem that great. If you are older, ask yourself if your problems are really worth giving up joy in your life. You may not work in a classroom, but I am sure others in your life would like to see less worrying and more smiling! :)

-Mr. F